countdown to Kiev

from the looks of it, I've only got about two weeks or so left in Moscow before packing up and shipping off to summer camp. I haven't actually bought my train ticket to Kiev, but am currently looking at the РЖД website and contemplating which button to push. I'm quite relieved that it seems I've found someone to sublet my room for the summer, and she's eager to move in at the beginning of June, so the onus is on me to get out as soon as possible in that regard. Further, getting out of my shell and changing locations could also be a great motivator. On the flip side, however, every day between now and then should be chock-full of rowing up my ducks, which doesn't particularly bode well with my lackadaisical procrastination-station current speed of life. Ultimately, life at turtle speed probably isn't such a good thing in the first place, and getting out of it is likely long overdue. As much as I love to proclaim that I'm some sort of free-falling spirit who doesn't need boundaries of any kind, I'd be lying through my teeth if I didn't admit to appreciating a bit of routine. Furthermore, I reckon it's something I could actually rather embrace having before me every day. They say it takes 28 days of something to make it a habit--I'm not completely sure whether or not my time at camp will be that completely routine (or even if I'd want it to), but I guess I'll find out.

In a way, I'm also somewhat excited at the prospect of being closer to "The Europe" (Nurse Betty quote) and its influences. For the same reasons some out here decry the faults of "The West" out here, others salivate at the idea. I don't know if it's about culture, proximity to creature comforts or some vague and twisted sense of prestige, but I am somewhat intrigued. I don't necessarily expect it to be any more home-like, nor would I want it to be. Also, I've spent so much more time in Russia than western Europe (the actual timelines are all but impossible to compare) that I likely even find life & culture more relatable here than there. Perhaps there's something to the whole "Eurotrip" mentality young Americans seem to embrace, but I'm not so sure it's something I can quite relate to.

Recent experiences with friends have gotten me thinking about ideas of an "east-west" paradigm of comfort and familiarity, and perhaps how it could relate to exoticism and choice juxtaposition of social power. Nobody's above personal prejudices--least of all, me. That being said the lines of "us/them" "inside/outside"identities are rather blurry to me. 

introspection, updates, etc

Back & with even less promise of a fruitful epiphany than last time O_o

Meh, whatever, with all due respects to Alicia Silverstone in what made her famous and relevant before becoming a famous judge and naysayer of underprivileged new parents trying to make a go of the shitshow fate before them....

Objectively speaking, gotta keep it real: I do need to put a lid on this tendency I have to stay in bed till noon if I don't have hard fast obligations earlier in the day to rise me at a more respectable hour.

One reaction to that I have is to potentially set myself up with more structured activities earlier in the day. The obvious ideal would be to have English language lessons penciled in on my calendar at least a few mornings a week, since who can really say no to a routine infusion of cash? Alternatively, I could do the reverse, and take Russian language group classes to re-up my level to something more professional and less like a shaky teenager than it is now. I could be even bolder by attempting a brand new language like Turkish or Persian like I'd expressed widely before. 

The next most logical option, which is breathtakingly easy and available to me even now is morning dance/exercise classes at my gym. I have no good excuses for refusing to even try one of these classes thus far, as they require very little preparation, and just involve a walk to the metro to check in. 

I suppose at this rate, this problem is most fittingly on deck to be resolved after the summer months, where I will be forced into a rigid work schedule. I anticipate I will meet the early morning hours with utmost disdain in the first days of the program, but do hope that in time, I will adjust, and learn to thrive on optimal productive use of the long daylight hours.

Yes, I will be leaving fair Moscow in just under a month--I still need to buy my ticket to Kiev, and ostensibly should do it shortly. I have not closely followed the travel restrictions between Russia and Ukraine which have been implemented in the course of the past six months or so, particularly as relates to air travel. My roommate made a passing reference for the need to fly through Belarus to get from here to Ukraine. In this case, it's pretty evident that my obvious choice is to travel by train. The train trip from Moscow to Kiev generaly takes about twelve hours and is pretty uneventful, if uncomfortably warm and stuffy in the summer months. The last time I'd done it was late August/early September, 2015, and experienced nothing remarkable, or even notably more bureaucratic than usual at the border, despite the political unrest the capitol underwent at that time.  

intro: why write?

Hello the Internet!

I've tried a few blogs in the past and none of them have really stuck for all that long. At one point, I thought that the problem was I didn't have enough focus, and figured it might be more effective for me to focus on one (or at least a few) ongoing theme(s). It's hard to say exactly how and why that didn't work, but one guess is the restriction of working within rigid categories put an unanticipated and unwelcome level of pressure to perform on me, which did its due part to squelch my desire to carry on writing. 

As a child, I always loved creative writing, and would say I was pretty decent at it through college. In high school, I floated the idea of journalism as a career, if briefly. I'm not entirely sure what changed after that, though it was likely caused by a wide variety of factors.

Lethargy and distraction probably top the list, as wasting time online playing games and reading click-bait articles (which I may or may not be doing simultaneously at the moment...) do fulfill a primitive, tactile desire which critical thinking and stringing together comprehensive stanzas of sentences don't deliver on with nearly as much success.

Then there's the classic adage of "the more I learn, the less I know," which is closely tied to the act of growing up and attaining wisdom. The more we experience, the smaller we feel in comparison to the universe around us. On a personal level, this may seem dour and even all-around fatalistic, but as a hallmark trait of human civilization, it brings a sense of cool, liberated comfort to the idea of our existence.

Alas, there is a time and place in which thoughtful acceptance of one's insignificance in the scope of all matter gives way to a sense of tangible inadequacy among those I perceive to be my peers. Are they, in fact? What constitutes a "peer?" "How much reality is there to my sense of personal inadequacy?" We all experience weakness and failure at times, but I can't help being awestruck by those who hide their shortcomings and mask their pain so utterly seamlessly.

Ultimately, we are competing not with each other, but with the best version of ourselves that can be, but from there begs the question: who are these best people, and how can we find them? Do they want to be found? Are we worthy?